The other day, my friend Jess was over at my house and we were talking about the blog. She really encouraged me to post about what life looks like for us these days, and I thought it was a good suggestion. The past few weeks have been filled with “normal” moments, along with all of the extreme highs and lows. I took the girls on a “nature walk” the other day and they got to bring little baggies with their names on them to fill with treasures that we found along the way. I tried to explain the difference between dead, alive, and dormant. It was somewhat productive, although Ellie came within a few inches of chopping the heads off a neighbors daffodils before we modified the rules of the walk…

We have also been to the zoo, bounced around at birthday parties, grocery shopped, and many other mundane, day-filling activities. It is the “in-between” of life these days. I would love to invite you to be in these moments as well as the others, and that is why I am posting this little clip of our family. I hope you enjoy it:)

I also have 2 prayer requests..the first one is what all lifelong Christians (I have learned) refer to as an “unspoken.” For some reason that always makes me laugh because I like to pray for very specific things, and I had trouble as a new believer when people would say that at Bible Study and then I would go home and sit on my bed and rattle off all of these detailed requests and then I felt kind of silly just saying “And the ‘unspoken…'” It sounds kind of ominous to me. And I would rather sit at my kitchen table with some tea and talk about what was really going on. I’m not really an “unspoken” kind of person. I am an eye-to-eye, weep with you kind of person. Someone emailed me and asked about my background, and you probably won’t be surprised to know that I have my Master’s Degree in Developmental Psychology. As a sidebar, I also minored in English in college, and always dreamed of being a writer, so all of your kind words in this area have really meant a lot to me. People have asked me why I never did it, and I guess the answer is that I never really felt like I had found the thing that made me feel brave enough to try…that is, until my sweet Audrey reminded me who I was.

Regardless of my little diversion there, I would really appreciate your prayers tomorrow for a dear friend who is walking a “narrow road” of her own. So it isn’t really “unspoken”, but rather “semi-spoken.” That’s better.

The second prayer request is for my ultrasound tomorrow. It is a big one, because we will be meeting with Dr. Fortunato and talking about “the plan” from here on out. I still feel like I have so many questions and not enough clarity on any of the options, and so I am praying that I will feel direction in our decision making. This sweet baby girl, so much a part of our family, we want to respect her life in the most glorifying, beautiful way. We want to choose the best for her in any situation where we have a choice. We are all in love with her…how do you plan to lose someone who has already become a part of you? As we near what may be the end of the journey, we weep for our loss and heaven’s gain. I ordered a “resting gown” for Audrey the other day because I suddenly realized that we would have nothing to bury her in. The next day I felt terrible, like maybe I wasn’t diving for His cloak the way I should be.

Please pray that the conversations we have tomorrow will honor every bit of her life, and that we would all be willing to fight for her if God provides the opportunity. Pray for guidance in finding the middle ground between “plannng for loss,” and “hoping for miracles.” It has proved to be the most difficult part of my spiritual walk thus far.

Every time we walk into that office, I feel like it might be the day that they tell us that things are much better than they thought, and that God has healed her. I am crying while I type this, because I cannot even let my thoughts wander to the place where she would get to stay with us, and yet I want to ask you to beseech the King on our behalf. We believe that the Great Physician is still on the throne, and it is my greatest desire tonight that He would hear all of our voices pleading with him on behalf of a little girl, and that He would bless us with a miracle. I have felt your presence with me, friends, and I have felt your prayers. I am forever grateful to be able to type a few words and mobilize groups of people to pray for Audrey. Thank you so much for this offering…

I will definitely post tomorrow and update you on the appointment (it is at 1:00pm).

Humbly, gratefully, and in hope,